Let’s start with a quiz, kind of a Christian version of a Cosmo-Magazine test. Let’s find out…….are we Contentious Women?
Just keep track with your fingers. There will be ten questions, so that makes most of us capable of playing along. Ready?
Okay, do you have a tally?
Let’s move on to a damage-control report now. Ready?
Here is our rubric..a fancy educational piece of jargon that means…. criteria.
Congratulations. You are either:
Caution is needed. You are treading on dangerous ground in your marriage. Your nagging and lack of respect for your spouse could result in one of the following:
Your middle name is Contentious Woman.
Your husband refers to you, and he isn’t joking….as SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED. You probably spend most of your time:
Your husband, on the other hand….has retreated to the corner of the roof, which in the 1990’s translates to:
How did you do? What are you thinking?
I’ll bet many of you, especially those of you who scored 4 or more are think- ing one of the following:
Actually, you are all right at some level. Each of the above items has a touch of truth in them. Scripture says in 1 Cor. 11:11: “However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.” In truth, marriage is a covenant in which both partners are to place the other’s well being above his or her own.
But here’s a newsflash, there is no caveat in that scripture that says: “But you don’t have to follow this if your partner isn’t cooperating.” As believers, and I could just as easily give this talk to a group of men, as believers….not just as women, we are not independent of our spouses.
Recently, I heard a Christian teacher utter these shocking words when a man called him to say that he wasn’t happy in his marriage and that his wife wasn’t happy either….. obviously the gentleman wanted some sort of permission to leave the marriage. This Christian teacher responded: “God isn’t interested in your happiness. He is interested in your obedience.” #WTHDHJS
I can’t get that out of my head. Obedience is more important than happiness. Yet when I examine the problems that we encounter as contentious women, I find that if we were obedient to scripture, most of the problems could be dealt with effectively.
Note that I did not say…..solved. I don’t think that solving the problem, much like finding happiness is available to us here and now.
Instead, I offer what 1 Cor 10:13 provides: “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.”
Let me stop here and get one thing straight. I’m excluding all of you who are in a physically abusive or substance-abusive situation. If you or your children are in danger…..do something about it.
Probably, I’m not talking to those of you who scored 4 or more on the quiz. It has been my experience that women who are in such dangerous situations avoid any kind of confrontation. You either suffer in silence or totally dis- place your anger and pretend that everything is peachy-keen. Ladies, if you are in this kind of situation, don’t play with fire.
This talk is for those of us whose tongues and tempers could qualify under the new federal guidelines for automatic assault weapons…. Contentious women are seldom abused. We are just quarrelsome, belligerent, bossy, and miserable in our marriages.
Let’s start with a quiz, kind of a Christian version of a Cosmo-Magazine test. Let’s find out…….are we Contentious Women?
Just keep track with your fingers. There will be ten questions, so that makes most of us capable of playing along. Ready?
Okay, do you have a tally?
Let’s move on to a damage-control report now. Ready?
Here is our rubric..a fancy educational piece of jargon that means…. criteria.
Congratulations. You are either:
Caution is needed. You are treading on dangerous ground in your marriage. Your nagging and lack of respect for your spouse could result in one of the following:
Your middle name is Contentious Woman.
Your husband refers to you, and he isn’t joking….as SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED. You probably spend most of your time:
Your husband, on the other hand….has retreated to the corner of the roof, which in the 1990’s translates to:
How did you do? What are you thinking?
I’ll bet many of you, especially those of you who scored 4 or more are think- ing one of the following:
Actually, you are all right at some level. Each of the above items has a touch of truth in them. Scripture says in 1 Cor. 11:11: “However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.” In truth, marriage is a covenant in which both partners are to place the other’s well being above his or her own.
But here’s a newsflash, there is no caveat in that scripture that says: “But you don’t have to follow this if your partner isn’t cooperating.” As believers, and I could just as easily give this talk to a group of men, as believers….not just as women, we are not independent of our spouses.
Recently, I heard a Christian teacher utter these shocking words when a man called him to say that he wasn’t happy in his marriage and that his wife wasn’t happy either….. obviously the gentleman wanted some sort of permission to leave the marriage. This Christian teacher responded: “God isn’t interested in your happiness. He is interested in your obedience.” #WTHDHJS
I can’t get that out of my head. Obedience is more important than happiness. Yet when I examine the problems that we encounter as contentious women, I find that if we were obedient to scripture, most of the problems could be dealt with effectively.
Note that I did not say…..solved. I don’t think that solving the problem, much like finding happiness is available to us here and now.
Instead, I offer what 1 Cor 10:13 provides: “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.”
Let me stop here and get one thing straight. I’m excluding all of you who are in a physically abusive or substance-abusive situation. If you or your children are in danger…..do something about it.
Probably, I’m not talking to those of you who scored 4 or more on the quiz. It has been my experience that women who are in such dangerous situations avoid any kind of confrontation. You either suffer in silence or totally dis- place your anger and pretend that everything is peachy-keen. Ladies, if you are in this kind of situation, don’t play with fire.
This talk is for those of us whose tongues and tempers could qualify under the new federal guidelines for automatic assault weapons…. Contentious women are seldom abused. We are just quarrelsome, belligerent, bossy, and miserable in our marriages.
Ok – A friend of mine recently asked me about this subject.
Why do you think some Black men cross over once they reach a certain level of success? Is it just a status quo thing or is it deeper than that?
Does it matter?
What (if anything) has the Black woman done to contribute to this tragedy and what do you think are viable solutions?
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