No one gets married thinking they will put their kids before their marriage, but over time without being intentional, it happens. It’s easy to do. Kids need our attention, they scream for it (literally). We also rationalize that it’s easier and the right thing to do. Or, we rationalize that we will have time for our spouse later in life, but later in life rarely comes.

Here are some ways you know if your kids are coming before your marriage:

You plaster all over Facebook about how excited you are to take a date night tonight because you can’t remember the last time you had a date night.

The only time you talk to your spouse during the day is for something, you don’t text or call to say “I love you” or “I was thinking of you.”

You don’t touch in public, at all.

Sex is fast and rare.

If you sit down to talk with your spouse, the only thing you can talk about is your kids and what’s happening in their lives.

You don’t have any hobbies or interests outside of your kids.

Dinner is in the car several times a week.

You can’t answer these questions about your spouse: What do they like to do, what is God teaching them right now, what is hurting them or stressing them out right now.

Your kids don’t know what “Mom and Dad time” means.

“Mom and Dad time” does not mean what it should mean. Instead it means watching TV or passing out.

Here’s a bonus one: your spouse complains that the kids come before they do.

Bottom line, it’s easy to do. In fact, most parents think you should put your kids first. This is actually a lie that can destroy your family. Putting your marriage first, makes your marriage strong, which in turn makes your family stronger because of the foundation.